Stuffed

I hate being so full that I feel stuffed. I'm talking about that feeling one gets after Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner when your stomach hurts and the button of your pants threatens to pop. Too late, you ask yourself, "why did I go for that second helping? Why didn't I say no to dessert?"

When I was in my early 20's I was out for burgers and fries with a tiny girl friend. Nearing the end of the meal, I told her "I am so full." She answered simply, "then stop eating". I'll be honest. It had never even occurred to me that stopping before I finished my meal was an option.

Like many children of the 70s, the rule in our house was you didn't leave the table until everything on your plate was finished. That habit became ingrained in me as an adult. Waste not want not.

So this week's food challenge was to be more mindful of my hunger, particularly how full I am and to not eat past the point of being comfortably full.

When you are not used to listening to your body's natural cues this proved more difficult than I thought, not necessarily by overeating but by sometimes not eating enough or at the right time. I caught myself getting "hangry" on a couple occasions when dinner was delayed after that evening's work out.

But for the most part it felt great to be ready for and really enjoy each meal. I felt I had more energy than when I eat too much and my system gets bogged down digesting all the extra food.

At the end of my second week, I had lost 1 pound. I am now down 4 pounds since starting my 50 Week Food Challenge two weeks ago, 49 pounds down overall.

My Junk Food Frenemy

When I'm "On" I would never even consider eating boxed food. Everything I cook is made from scratch using whole foods. I don't eat or drink anything with artificial sweeteners. If an organic version of a food is available I buy it no matter the additional cost.

But when I'm "Off" it's a whole new ballgame. Potato chips, candy, chocolate, ice cream, pop - these are the friends I turn to when I'm craving a treat.

My junk food habit started back when I was a pre-teen. My mother would buy cream puffs or long johns from the local bakery as treats for dessert. But not for me. They were only for the "boys" - my father and brothers. As "girls" my Mom and I were meant to always watch our weight and deny ourselves this type of pleasure. 

While my Mom's intentions were good, it was this kind of denial that led to my cycle of restriction = rebellion. Is it any wonder that part of my allowance starting being diverted from Archie Comics to Cadbury Easter Cream eggs and potato chips? My brothers never had that problem.

Even as an adult when I'm bored, lonely, frustrated, stressed, or angry these are the foods I turn to. The irony is that when I do, I don't even enjoy them. They come along with guilt, a stomach ache, and a less than stellar workout the next day. 

So for Week 1 of my 50 week challenge I decided to end the cycle and not bring any of these treats into my house. I'm not going to deny myself a bite of chocolate or a handful of potato chips at a party or ice cream out with friends but I'm ending my secret love affair with these foods in the privacy of my own home.

At the beginning of the week I caught myself almost picking up a liquorice or a soft drink as a treat. By the end of the week I got used to the idea that it was not an option. But I never felt deprived as I knew that it was the only concession I had to make this week. When I craved the bubbles of a soft drink, I drank carbonated water from my Soda Stream. Instead of processed sugar, I began enjoying fruit more again. It felt good to let go of the guilt associated with these nutrition lacking foods.

At the end of Week 1, I had lost 3 pounds. I have now surpassed my halfway marker - down 48 pounds with 47 to go. 

Background

Like many people who have struggled with their weight, I have a messed up relationship with food. I wish I could be like my friends who have been thin all their lives as they seem to really enjoy food. It would likely surprise them to know that many overweight people do not derive the pure pleasure from food that they do. Our relationship with food is more of a love-hate relationship. We have emotional connections to food they can only imagine. One moment food is comfort and love. The next it is the enemy - the thing that makes us fat and prevents us from living to our fullest potential. Food is something to be monitored, tracked, feared, loved, despised... Is it any wonder, with this as the basis of our psyche, that most diets are doomed to fail?

Since moving to Whistler, BC I have dramatically improved my fitness. I have lost and kept off 45 pounds for two years. Along the way I improved my cardio and strength, which has paid off in all the sports in which I participate in this outdoor mecca - cycling, alpine skiing, nordic skiing, hiking, Pilates, and Crossfit. I have participated in Fondo's, Cyclocross races, and triathlons. I work out often and at high intensity. I feel like I have that part of my health dialled in.

But I am not yet at my goal weight. I would like to lose another 50 pounds. And I know to do it I have to change my relationship with food. Diets only work short term. The restriction ultimately leads to rebellion. It becomes all or nothing. On or off.

Like I've done with exercise, I want to make healthy eating a habit, something I want to do. I want to create a healthy relationship with food that I can maintain the rest of my life.

So begins the 50 Week Food Challenge. Each week I am going to introduce a new Food Habit. I am reluctant to call them rules as rules are made to be broken. Habits are established over time. If they aren't followed on occasion, they can remain habits.

I hope you will join me along my journey, adapting habits that will help you be healthy where they fit with your life or just supporting me along the way.